Subtle art of saying No like a Pro (and not feeling guilty about it)
Sometimes it’s hard to say “No”.
There are many psychological reasons why — but the end result is usually the same, you end up wishing you followed your “gut” and said NO.
Today, I’m going to show you how to say “No” like a pro — without sparking a confrontation or feeling guilty about it.
In a world of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), SPAM offers and say “YES” philosophies, I’m going to walk through a much more effective method of rejecting “opportunities” that come your way.
And this method will allow you to say no without being rude, burning relationships or feeling guilty just for refusing.
By saying ‘no’, you eliminate distractions, tasks and busy work that truly doesn’t help you with YOUR goals and dreams.
The problem is that most who have a problem saying NO are more concerned with the effects on the person they’re refusing, rather than what’s best for themselves.
Many people simply don’t know HOW to say NO either — this may be something you’re dealing with.
But here’s the thing:
💡The more you say NO to other requests, the more freedom you have to say YES to your own.
And that’s the ultimate goal I want for you with this guide — to have more time & energy for your own dreams & ideas.
SO here’s 3 ways to do it:
- Say No (Without Saying No)
- Say No & Why at the same time
- Lead your “No” with a Dose of Gratitude
Armed with these 👆🏾 you’ll be chunking out NO’s in no time.
SPOILER ALERT: I’ll be leaving you with 10 templates for you to work with so you’re not saying “no” from scratch.
⚡So let’s get going:
Method 1: Say “No”
(Without Saying No)
To pull this off, you’ll have to offer an alternative idea (that you can say YES to).
Here’s a scenario:
My wife and I were getting on a plane back to Houston.
My wife (to the Flight Attendant): “Excuse me. Do you have some Aspirin or Advil?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes, we do have non-aspirin pain relievers.”
My wife: “Oh. (long pause) No thank you.”
(After thinking about it for a few minutes)
Me to my wife: Did she just tell you “No”
—
That’s EXACTLY what the flight attendant said: NO, but without actually saying NO — by offering an alternative that she could say YES to.
⚡Here’s the template:
Yes, I can provide you with {{Thing That Works For You}} to/for/that {{Addresses Their Request}}.
NOTE: The YES at the beginning is optional
Examples:
Can you create a website for me — I only have $250 — but I need it to look nice?
Here’s a few possible responses:
I can provide you with some great resources for you to build a professional website without breaking the bank.
Or completely make it a favorable request for you.
I can provide you with an Enterprise Grade Website ($40k – $20k) that’s well worth your investment for a professional site.
Here I’m saying NO (with a price range that will likely be refused) but also saying YES (with a price range I know I could work with).
⚡So when some one brings a request to you — before saying “yes” (when you really want to say “no”) consider an alternative — One that is a definite YES for you.
It’s a cool way to say NO without saying NO (or to get what you need).
Jamie Brindle states it well:
💡The interesting part about this is the requestor usually ends up saying NO to you, instead of the other way around — so you still never have to say NO (if that’s a problem for you).
⚡BUT many times 👆🏾 this just isn’t enough. The request may be something you really just need to say flat out NO to.
But at the same time you don’t want to come across as a jerk or feel guilty (even though you shouldn’t).
The next tactics make this even easier 👇🏾
Method 2: Say “No” & Why at the same time
By saying NO and WHY at the same time, you alleviate the self inflicted guilt you may experience by giving a good (and honest) explanation.
Here’s some good templates you can use:
Sadly, I can’t {{Do the requested thing}} because I have {{something else}} going on.
I have to decline. I have another/other commitment(s) that have my full attention
I wish I were able to.
I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now.
I’m sorry, I’m not able to fit this in.
👆🏾 You should use all of these early and often!
Save them as templates in your email software.
Save them in your phone for quick access.
Use THESE! 😅
NOTICE: You don’t have to necessarily go into details on your WHY. The point is that you have a WHY.
Method 3: Lead your “No” with a Dose of Gratitude
Many times it’s easiest to say NO by showing gratitude for being considered for the request.
Here’s some templates:
I’m honored you asked me, but I simply can’t.
I wish I were able to, but I have to decline.
Thanks for thinking of me. However, I’m not able to.
See how they all lead with gratitude?
Use these for the next request that comes your way.
This last one we borrow from Justin Welsh’s template for saying no to business offers:
This is an all around excellent template — it gives a good dose of gratitude at the beginning and end, sandwiching the “no” in the middle.
When it comes to gratitude let’s see how he uses gratitude to soften the “no” blow:
Justin does a masterful job at sandwiching his “No” – which also stacks the other methods mentioned above.
I’ve pointed them out so you can see them clearer:
If you want this template, you can get a copy directly from Justin Welsh
I personally haven’t had an opportunity to use this one yet, but best believe it’s saved, loaded and ready to be fired off at a moment’s notice.
Wrapping it Up
SO that’s all I have for now.
These templates should send you well on your way to letting NOs and versions of NO flow out of your mouth.
This way you aren’t regretting saying YES and have more time and energy for your own dreams and ideas!
Peace and Love,
Jesse “Just Say NO” Young El
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